Cake-02.png

i dont fit in


from the curator:

i have had to edit and re-edit this part of the project multiple times because i am terrible at this.


many people have asked me on how i have come up with this idea and i don't remember. in my art, i don't have a system. i don't have a routine. i don't wake up every morning, drink coffee, and go outside to look for inspirations nor do i stay up until 4am reading a collection of poems. i don't practice 10 minutes of free writing every day. i don't read the bible. i don't journal while listening to ellington. sometimes, i wish i do have a routine, that way i can be more consistent.

my inspirations come from my nightmares - my subconscious insecurities - things that i wish i would have voiced in the world, whether to a particular person or a group of people, that my own brain had stopped me to. it's thrilling and exciting, but heartbreaking most times, because like everyone, i have lots of insecurities. the only thing i can do is to turn them into something worthy of telling.

my inspirations also come from who i meet and what stories they want to tell when society tells them not to. sometimes they'd say a phrase, and minutes later in my head i've composed an overture to a musical. sometimes i'd sit in acting class and my teacher would say something and i had to write it down because before she finishes her speech i might have written two verses to a song.

i can't tell from the top of my head who i was with at the right place at the right time, but that person inspired me to create "i don't fit in." maybe it was me, reflecting on my own personal misfit past, but i'm not sure. i think it's meant to be a mystery.

my inspirations come from where i wasn't looking. sometimes it's just been sitting in my brain all along. my ideas are all over the place, like shattered glass, and i need to be careful when i pick them up. selective. which piece is worth it? so for that, i thank you all for your patience.

with "i don't fit in," i believe the message is worth it. it is so much bigger than me. i'd look back and think, "what? i did that?" but no - it wasn't me. it has never been me. i didn't do this shit. these people did. they were the ones who made. it. happen. i celebrate them with every inch of my soul. i am proud of them for opening up and letting me (and all of you) in. it's a hard thing to do, so i cherish it.

i hope these stories will touch you the way they do.

xo

Kanya

art director + photographer + curator | i don't fit in

click here to read all the stories from 'i dont fit in'